My question is for single moms, should I make the father of my baby take a paternity test?
Im 18 almost 19 & Im 29 weeks pregnant, the father of my baby knows Im pregnant & refuses to accept that, he says the baby isn't his & Im lying, but I wasn't with any1 else when I conceived. He told me to leave him alone & stay out of his life, my parents think I should leave him alone because my baby & I are better off without him, but my doctor & a couple other people think I should get a paternity test & file for child support. I don't know what to do. I want to do what's best for my baby, should I ask for a paternity test & hope that he either signs his rights over or has changed or should I live & let live? I also think my baby & I are better off without him in our lives I just need some more advice.
Tagged with: amp • parents • paternity test • signs
Filed under: Paternity Tests
Well, most moms realize far too late that a paternity test and child support has a flip side-this guy is going to be in the kid’s life and even has a chance of gaining custody of that child one day. I can say from experience, because my husband fought his ex and his ex lost-my stepsons now live with me full time, and it’s all because back THEN, their mom wanted the money. Also, we don’t know the story…no offense, but him not believing you doesn’t make him a bad father-it simply means that he logically doesn’t want to support a kid that may not be his. One can’t blame him if he has doubts, really.So you need to strike (one way or the other) while the iron is hot…he wants nothing to do with this because he thinks the kid isn’t his. You can take that for what it is-your kid will have no father (unless you remarry to a gem who is willing to adopt) and you will have no financial help. BUT your kid may well be better off without him. You need to do some serious soul searching and determine what would be better for your CHILD (not YOU, your CHILD). I was the same age as you when I had my daughter, Her father also wanted nothing to do with us, and so I didn’t force him. It was best for my daughter to be in a stable situation. I am now remarried to a wonderful man who loves her and is now her legal father. He has provided great stability for her. Just remember, if he is a stable guy, then fathers are OMNIimportant for kids, and his lack of belief in your story doesn’t peg him as a bad father, just a bad partner to you. His cons need to really outweigh his pros for you to decide to go ahead and cut him out, you know?
Try to make a decision not motivated by your wants, but by pure FACTS.
Best of luck sweetie!
ETA-like I said, even the answer below conveniently forgets that with fathers RESPONSIBILITIES come fathers RIGHTS…rights to visitation and say in the child’s life. HIM BEING LISTED MEANS THE DOOR IS ALWAYS OPEN TO HIM GETTING RIGHTS TO VISITATION AND MORE. Him not being listed and you dropping it NOW makes that far less likely. You can’t take the good without the bad. That may be OK-he may turn out to be a wonderful and involved father once he knows the child is his. Or he may not. But a paternity test is more than just a free check for the mom-it leads to you having this person in your kid’s life FOREVER. There are cases where rights can be terminated (my husband’s ex wife had hers terminated), but more than likely, you are going to get some money in exchange for sending your kid away several times a month and having to tell him EVERYTHING in detail about the kid’s life. You need to decide if that is worth it to you and if your kid would be better off that way
It’s really up to you. If you fell he needs it then yes. If not then no.
Mine please
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if your parents are willing to support you (for now) let it go. you are better off without him. once the baby is born, guarantee he will show up wanting to be a part of it’s life. that’s when you go for child support.
youre in a really sucky situation. use your head next time. good luck anyway.
On the pro side, if you force him to undergo a paternity test, the yes, you can get child support out of him. On the other hand, if he were to ever change his mind, or just wanted to hurt you, having proof that he is the biological father would allow him to petition for custody of the child.
Personally, if you’re not in a position where you NEED the money, I’d leave well enough alone and hope he stays out of your lives after the baby is born.
YES. get a test. [= & you seem pretty well off with just your family & your new baby thats coming up (& congrats too!!!)
i’m in law school & i’m practicing to become an attorney in family law & you will want the child support. babys are very expensive. & even if you have all the money to care for yourself & your new child, the extra money is nice. plus it’s a fathers responsibility. if you chose not to get the child support, his name will not be on the birth certificate.
i would most def get the test for child support though. hope this helps & good luck!!
If he is a "bad" person that would or could cause harm to you and your child then I wouldnt push the issue. But if he is a good guy and just doesnt want the responsiblity then file. Sometimes its better for certain guys to stay away and sometimes its better for the kids too. Either way in the long run if or when he chooses to have something to do with the baby he will have to be the one that has to answer to why he wasnt there.
Here is how to make the decision. Does he abuse drugs/alcohol or any other substance? Is he mentally ill? Or do you think he has the potential to be a good father, he just doesn’t want to be with you? If you think he has a problem, then yes, its better he isn’t around. But I think you should at least TRY to get him to be a good father. I didn’t do anything to my daughter’s father, except try to get him to be a good dad. I didn’t let him sign the birth certificate, and didn’t take him to court. He is a shitty dad, so he is gone, and I told him he cannot come back unless he takes me to court. But if this guy really cares nothing about your kid, then he is better off gone.
My daughter’s father claimed she wasn’t his the whole time I was pregnant too, but when it came time to have her he changed his tune rather quickly, for fear I would take out child support on him. Just play things by ear. But DO NOT let him sign the birth certificate whatever you do, because then you are screwed.
I know ex acyou feel now to the T. I am in the same situation with my ex. But my daughter is getting ready to turn 1 this month and he has not seen her once. And hasnt paid a dime for her either. if you trust the guy with your kid then i would let him be a part of your baby’s life but if he is being a jerk about it then i wouldnt even let him be apart amazing 1st year of the child. but it is up to you too
Establishing him as the legal/genetic father is NOT the same as bringing him into your child’s life. My father’s name is on my birth certificate, yet we have never laid eyes on each other.
As a person who grew up not knowing who her father really was, get the test to establish legal paternity. It sounds like he wouldn’t interfere with your custody, he doesn’t want to be a father. So there is little danger of a custody battle.
There is something about knowing about one’s genetic history. I had two children with genetic disabilities and no way of knowing exactly where they came from because my father’s side is missing, and it’s too late to find him or his family history.
If in the future something bad happens, such as needing a transplant, or even to just get a genetic health history, it is too important to know for certain that he is the father, and to establish the legal right to contact the family in case the worst happens.
Also, as far as the birth certificate thing goes, it depends on the state. In some states (California) you are REQUIRED to put down the name of the father, to the best of your knowledge. In other states you can’t put down a father’s name unless you either have his permission or a court order based on a paternity test.
In no state does the lack of his name or signature either absolve him of legal responsibility for the child, or protect the mother from the father filing for custody. If it’s his child genetically, he has rights, no matter if his name, someone else’s or no name is on the birth certificate.
I know what you feeling, i was like that when I was pregnant with my son age 21 in year 2007, who is now 16months old. My child’s father still not involved with son. I filed for child support and paternity test. He keeps saying he will take it and nothing been done. Child support will make him to pay child support each month and it depends how much he makes from his job. I know my child’s father trying to get out of doing his part as a father. my family, friends, tells me to stay away from him, I know that now.. I see him for who he is. if you get him to sign over his rights, you won’t get your child support money. Right thing for you to do for your baby and yourself file child support and paternity test. the paternity test can be done in the hospital where you plan to give birth, when your baby is born or after your baby born file child support and paternity after that you will get a court date. Im still a single parent, taking care of my son as his parent and having help from my family and friends that care about me and my child. live your life, dont worry about him child support will deal with it. Im not in love with or dating my child’s father. he 21 yrs old no job and makes excuess thinking a 35yr old woman with 3boys will save him. I think not, his relationship with her, has nothing to do with what best for our son. now, im 23 yrs old and I have a wonderful relationship with a good man and he wants be my child’s father.. he loves my son, he good to my child always there for him. unlike my child’s father, its sad… I got over him, he can keep talking bs& drama and name calling all he wants.. he really dont want to grow-up, childish games are so over. Im happy with my life amd my child happy.