Comments on: My question is for single moms, should I make the father of my baby take a paternity test? http://testyrdna.com/my-question-is-for-single-moms-should-i-make-the-father-of-my-baby-take-a-paternity-test.htm Mon, 23 Nov 2009 00:04:07 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9 hourly 1 By: labellemere http://testyrdna.com/my-question-is-for-single-moms-should-i-make-the-father-of-my-baby-take-a-paternity-test.htm/comment-page-1#comment-4473 labellemere Sun, 22 Nov 2009 08:07:04 +0000 http://testyrdna.com/my-question-is-for-single-moms-should-i-make-the-father-of-my-baby-take-a-paternity-test.htm#comment-4473 Well, most moms realize far too late that a paternity test and child support has a flip side-this guy is going to be in the kid's life and even has a chance of gaining custody of that child one day. I can say from experience, because my husband fought his ex and his ex lost-my stepsons now live with me full time, and it's all because back THEN, their mom wanted the money. Also, we don't know the story...no offense, but him not believing you doesn't make him a bad father-it simply means that he logically doesn't want to support a kid that may not be his. One can't blame him if he has doubts, really.So you need to strike (one way or the other) while the iron is hot...he wants nothing to do with this because he thinks the kid isn't his. You can take that for what it is-your kid will have no father (unless you remarry to a gem who is willing to adopt) and you will have no financial help. BUT your kid may well be better off without him. You need to do some serious soul searching and determine what would be better for your CHILD (not YOU, your CHILD). I was the same age as you when I had my daughter, Her father also wanted nothing to do with us, and so I didn't force him. It was best for my daughter to be in a stable situation. I am now remarried to a wonderful man who loves her and is now her legal father. He has provided great stability for her. Just remember, if he is a stable guy, then fathers are OMNIimportant for kids, and his lack of belief in your story doesn't peg him as a bad father, just a bad partner to you. His cons need to really outweigh his pros for you to decide to go ahead and cut him out, you know? Try to make a decision not motivated by your wants, but by pure FACTS. Best of luck sweetie! ETA-like I said, even the answer below conveniently forgets that with fathers RESPONSIBILITIES come fathers RIGHTS...rights to visitation and say in the child's life. HIM BEING LISTED MEANS THE DOOR IS ALWAYS OPEN TO HIM GETTING RIGHTS TO VISITATION AND MORE. Him not being listed and you dropping it NOW makes that far less likely. You can't take the good without the bad. That may be OK-he may turn out to be a wonderful and involved father once he knows the child is his. Or he may not. But a paternity test is more than just a free check for the mom-it leads to you having this person in your kid's life FOREVER. There are cases where rights can be terminated (my husband's ex wife had hers terminated), but more than likely, you are going to get some money in exchange for sending your kid away several times a month and having to tell him EVERYTHING in detail about the kid's life. You need to decide if that is worth it to you and if your kid would be better off that way Well, most moms realize far too late that a paternity test and child support has a flip side-this guy is going to be in the kid’s life and even has a chance of gaining custody of that child one day. I can say from experience, because my husband fought his ex and his ex lost-my stepsons now live with me full time, and it’s all because back THEN, their mom wanted the money. Also, we don’t know the story…no offense, but him not believing you doesn’t make him a bad father-it simply means that he logically doesn’t want to support a kid that may not be his. One can’t blame him if he has doubts, really.So you need to strike (one way or the other) while the iron is hot…he wants nothing to do with this because he thinks the kid isn’t his. You can take that for what it is-your kid will have no father (unless you remarry to a gem who is willing to adopt) and you will have no financial help. BUT your kid may well be better off without him. You need to do some serious soul searching and determine what would be better for your CHILD (not YOU, your CHILD). I was the same age as you when I had my daughter, Her father also wanted nothing to do with us, and so I didn’t force him. It was best for my daughter to be in a stable situation. I am now remarried to a wonderful man who loves her and is now her legal father. He has provided great stability for her. Just remember, if he is a stable guy, then fathers are OMNIimportant for kids, and his lack of belief in your story doesn’t peg him as a bad father, just a bad partner to you. His cons need to really outweigh his pros for you to decide to go ahead and cut him out, you know?
Try to make a decision not motivated by your wants, but by pure FACTS.
Best of luck sweetie!

ETA-like I said, even the answer below conveniently forgets that with fathers RESPONSIBILITIES come fathers RIGHTS…rights to visitation and say in the child’s life. HIM BEING LISTED MEANS THE DOOR IS ALWAYS OPEN TO HIM GETTING RIGHTS TO VISITATION AND MORE. Him not being listed and you dropping it NOW makes that far less likely. You can’t take the good without the bad. That may be OK-he may turn out to be a wonderful and involved father once he knows the child is his. Or he may not. But a paternity test is more than just a free check for the mom-it leads to you having this person in your kid’s life FOREVER. There are cases where rights can be terminated (my husband’s ex wife had hers terminated), but more than likely, you are going to get some money in exchange for sending your kid away several times a month and having to tell him EVERYTHING in detail about the kid’s life. You need to decide if that is worth it to you and if your kid would be better off that way

]]> By: Dimetre O http://testyrdna.com/my-question-is-for-single-moms-should-i-make-the-father-of-my-baby-take-a-paternity-test.htm/comment-page-1#comment-4474 Dimetre O Sun, 22 Nov 2009 08:07:04 +0000 http://testyrdna.com/my-question-is-for-single-moms-should-i-make-the-father-of-my-baby-take-a-paternity-test.htm#comment-4474 It's really up to you. If you fell he needs it then yes. If not then no. Mine please http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AuGio3m_5z1Q2OWbopEhRuXsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090307235239AArJEeN It’s really up to you. If you fell he needs it then yes. If not then no.

Mine please

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AuGio3m_5z1Q2OWbopEhRuXsy6IX;_ylv=3?qid=20090307235239AArJEeN

]]> By: amsam http://testyrdna.com/my-question-is-for-single-moms-should-i-make-the-father-of-my-baby-take-a-paternity-test.htm/comment-page-1#comment-4475 amsam Sun, 22 Nov 2009 08:07:04 +0000 http://testyrdna.com/my-question-is-for-single-moms-should-i-make-the-father-of-my-baby-take-a-paternity-test.htm#comment-4475 if your parents are willing to support you (for now) let it go. you are better off without him. once the baby is born, guarantee he will show up wanting to be a part of it's life. that's when you go for child support. youre in a really sucky situation. use your head next time. good luck anyway. if your parents are willing to support you (for now) let it go. you are better off without him. once the baby is born, guarantee he will show up wanting to be a part of it’s life. that’s when you go for child support.
youre in a really sucky situation. use your head next time. good luck anyway.

]]> By: raina_vissora http://testyrdna.com/my-question-is-for-single-moms-should-i-make-the-father-of-my-baby-take-a-paternity-test.htm/comment-page-1#comment-4476 raina_vissora Sun, 22 Nov 2009 08:07:04 +0000 http://testyrdna.com/my-question-is-for-single-moms-should-i-make-the-father-of-my-baby-take-a-paternity-test.htm#comment-4476 On the pro side, if you force him to undergo a paternity test, the yes, you can get child support out of him. On the other hand, if he were to ever change his mind, or just wanted to hurt you, having proof that he is the biological father would allow him to petition for custody of the child. Personally, if you're not in a position where you NEED the money, I'd leave well enough alone and hope he stays out of your lives after the baby is born. On the pro side, if you force him to undergo a paternity test, the yes, you can get child support out of him. On the other hand, if he were to ever change his mind, or just wanted to hurt you, having proof that he is the biological father would allow him to petition for custody of the child.

Personally, if you’re not in a position where you NEED the money, I’d leave well enough alone and hope he stays out of your lives after the baby is born.

]]> By: paperpaladin http://testyrdna.com/my-question-is-for-single-moms-should-i-make-the-father-of-my-baby-take-a-paternity-test.htm/comment-page-1#comment-4477 paperpaladin Sun, 22 Nov 2009 08:07:04 +0000 http://testyrdna.com/my-question-is-for-single-moms-should-i-make-the-father-of-my-baby-take-a-paternity-test.htm#comment-4477 YES. get a test. [= & you seem pretty well off with just your family & your new baby thats coming up (& congrats too!!!) i'm in law school & i'm practicing to become an attorney in family law & you will want the child support. babys are very expensive. & even if you have all the money to care for yourself & your new child, the extra money is nice. plus it's a fathers responsibility. if you chose not to get the child support, his name will not be on the birth certificate. i would most def get the test for child support though. hope this helps & good luck!! YES. get a test. [= & you seem pretty well off with just your family & your new baby thats coming up (& congrats too!!!)

i’m in law school & i’m practicing to become an attorney in family law & you will want the child support. babys are very expensive. & even if you have all the money to care for yourself & your new child, the extra money is nice. plus it’s a fathers responsibility. if you chose not to get the child support, his name will not be on the birth certificate.

i would most def get the test for child support though. hope this helps & good luck!!

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